9/6/19 11:17 PM

E: I'd do dirty shit to you.

L: Like what?

E: I'd brush your nipple with my elbow.

Yolo

2/1/2016 around 11pm

(Rolls over to his right and faces me)

Yolo.

Picture time.

05/26/13 6:37PM

Eric: Time? Time?!
Lang: 6:37.
Eric: I have pictures.
Lang: Pictures of what?
Eric: What time? When are we taking pictures?
Lang: What pictures?
Eric: (Snores)

Siestas.

03/03/13 10:29PM

Come to Spain with me. We'll drink Sangria. And we'll have a siesta every day. Oh my god, siestas.

Eating Separately, a Strategy to Work and the Resistance.

01/27/13

10:52PM
Eric: We eat separately.
Lang: What?
Eric: We eat separately. Different.
Lang: I don't...
Eric: We love in our place because tell us where . . . 54th . . . college . . . different. They'll be like, oh my god, you're eating, you know, separately!


12:10AM
Eric: Do you realize we have to go to work tomorrow? Can you find the best strategy to go to work tomorrow?
Lang: What? Like driving or something?
Eric: No, I mean, like, me and the woman, we wake up and we're tired but we gotta go to work tomorrow. Can you find that one? Like, strategy.
Lang: I don't understand. Do you want me to put an alarm?
Eric: No. Well, yes. Yes and no.


2:18AM
Eric: (Whispering) We're the resistance.
Lang: The resistance?
Eric: The resistance. We gotta, gotta keep strong against the man, right? We're, we're, we're like batman. You, all these people, the resistance.
Lang: What are we resisting?
Eric: Against the man in Gotham City.
Lang: What are they doing?
Eric: They're fucking taking over man. They're gonna let em take over. Fuck the man. It's the resistance!
Lang: Okay.
Eric: No? Is that not good? Is that weird? I'm sorry, I'll go to sleep.
Lang: (I lose it, laughing).
Eric: It's like you don't feel confident. You're like "okay, you're weird" and I'm like "okay, I'm sorry".
Lang: No, you're just really funny.
Eric: Are you sure?
Lang: Yeah
Eric: Okay, I love you.
Lang: I love you.
Eric: Muah. (Not actually kissing, just saying "muah")
Lang: Muah.
Eric: No, you don't have to kiss me, I'll just kiss you. Muah.Muah.Muah.

Food Service

12/27/12(?) 12:33AM

Eric: No matter how off I am, I'm still as good as you.
Lang: What are you talking about?
Eric: Food service.

Drunk is a side profit.

11/04/12 12:54AM

I don't even drink to get drunk. That's like a side profit.

Fine? Okay?

08/23/12 12:36am

Eric: HweyHoHweyHo
Lang: Huh?
Eric: It's hot.
Lang: Sleep naked.
Eric: No. It's fine? Okay?
Lang: Okay?
Eric: You okay? Fine?
Lang: I'm okay.
Eric: I'm fine for you, okay?
Lang: Okay.
Eric: Okay.

Special at da shop

08/17/12 1:35am

Eric: (Whispering)
Lang: Eric?
Eric: I'm special at da shop
Lang: What?
Eric: No one can look at me
Lang: Why?
Eric: Cuz I'm different colors
Lang: and?
Eric: (Snores)

Pizza bagel

8/14/2012 11:14PM

Eric: You are so naked and sexy. I just want to eat a pizza bagel off your stomach.

Lang: Don't be gross.

Eric: Mmmm, pizza bagel.

The Sexy Sprint in the Olympics

August 5th, 2012 9:56PM

Eric: I'm gonna run in the Olympics tomorrow.
Lang: What?
Eric: It's a one hundred yard sexy sprint. Gotta get the women to come.
Lang: Wow.
Eric: I think I'm gonna lose.

Olympic Race

July 27th, 2012 2:14AM

Eric: Do we have an Olympic race tomorrow or are we sleeping in?

Lang: Olympic race?

Eric: It's a couple sex race. Me and you. Go to London.

Lang: Haha, is it a race or a marathon?

Eric: Yes. It's a race for you to make me come the fastest. Ready. Set. Go...you fall behind. You lose.

Shevangbang

July 7th, 2012 12:42AM

Shevangbang. Bangmang. Bangbang. Mang. Oi. Fucker. 

Boob shelf

July 7, 2012 1:04AM

Her boobs were so big. I just want to sit on them. Like a shelf.

Drunken to Mira Mesa

July 2, 2012 12:29AM

At least the drunken from there is not the drunken to Mira Mesa.

Diablo and Cotixan

06/09/12 1:00 AM

Eric: We need to go to Cotixan and defeat it so it can drop items.

Lang: What the hell are you talking about.

Eric: Cotixan! Items! White is a taco. Blue is magic, a burrito. Yellow is, oh, yellow is rare. It's a california burrito. 

Lang: I'm sorry dear, I don't know what that means.

Eric: U-TURN! U-TURN! We need a yellow!

Rusty and Convoy

5/26/12 12:26AM

(Phone rings.)

Lang: Eric. Your phone. (He answers, half awake.)

Eric: Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello.

(He hangs up and rolls over.)

Lang: Who was that?

Eric: Convoy

Lang: Convoy?

Eric: The Convoy. The shopping center. You know. At Convoy.

(Phone shows voicemail.)

Lang: You have a voice mail message.

(He listens to the message. All I hear is a man's voice saying "Eric, you fucked me...".

Lang: Who was that?

Eric: Rusty. Drunk. Made a bet that I wouldn't pick up my phone.

Lang: Hahaha. And what's with Convoy?

Eric: The Convoy. Picked up the phone. (Snores).

Diablo

04/14/12 1:55AM

I can see Diablo when I close my eyes. Click click click click click click click click. I'm serious. Click click click click click click.

Stupid Ticket

03/19 12:32 AM

Eric: (snores loudly)
Lang: (shoves him, gently of course, to roll over)
Eric: I'm teasing! Don't be mad at me you stupid ticket.

Whose sweater is this?

03/17/12 2:51 PM

Lang: There is a long blond hair on this sweater.
Eric: Ooh, who were you sleeping with?
Lang: This is your sweater.
Eric: Ooh, who was I sleeping with? I wanna know!