How full are you?

8/13/11 2:20 A.M.

Aliens...make us have sex and look bad. Can't even fight bad. This stomach could open up a whole new universe. Where are the rest of my teammates? I yawned and my stomach hurt. Are you sure you can't see anything on me, with your magnifying glass? What happened in class? Did the alien reveal himself? It must have been in eighth grade. Did he or didn't he? No? Ok then. I'm so full I can't control it. When I lay down, I can't see my penis. That's how full I am. I'm so tired. (Snores). 

IT GON'

8/27 2:19 A.M. 

Eric: Go! Go!
Lang: (grabs phone to record) go what?
Eric: the car.
Lang: huh? 
Eric: the car. 
Lang: what's wrong with the car?
Eric: it's just sitting there.
Lang: where is it sitting?
Eric: it's not here now...IT GON'.
Lang: (giggling)
Eric: (very quietly) shhhhhhh...shhh...(inaudible whispering, sounds like uhzha-uhzha)
Lang: it's gone?
Eric: mmhmm
Lang: where'd it go?
Eric: i duno

Lottots

8/24 12:36

(I woke up to him leaning towards me, rubbing my arm gently with 1 finger, 5 strokes. It was creepy.)

Eric: (Whispering.) Lottots. Flot tots rot tots. (Lays back in bed.)
(Loudly) We've lottots! (Throws both hands in the air) Suck it bitches. 

A Hot Night. Hot hot hot.

7/28 1:00am

Eric: Hot.
Lang: It's a little warm.
Eric: Burning hot.  Hot hot hot.  Mot in my own hetmut.  Burning my ASS cheek!
Lang: (choking on laughter)
Eric: (laughs a little) It's like when I move, hot hot hot. (Rolls over and continues snoring)

Comic Con

Eric: I have to get up early.  I need to go web slinging in the county
Lang: web slinging?
Eric: to get to Comic Con.
Lang: weirdo.
Eric: (laughs). I like you.  I don't even need comic con characters. 
Lang: um, what would you need them for?
Eric: i duno but that shit is ugly.
Lang: what shit?
Eric:You, with your ugly striped sweater. 
Lang: my middle school picture?
Eric: It's not even you, some ugly chick.  Who am I thinking of? God, make it stop. 
Lang: I don't know what you're saying.
Eric: Good job.
Lang: on what?
Eric: You're fighting for your life against...crazy...shit. I duno. Even I know it's not making sense. So speaking of ships.  It cant be penetrated.  Need new strategy. (Snort). No! Aqua man.  Someone stop it from happening.  Heh.  I fucking hate aqua man. Some douche bag. Penis. (heavy snoring)

Carne Asada Fries. Reincarnation. Kitties.

7/17/11

Eric: someday I'm gonna eat carne asada fries and die.
Lang: that's awful.
Eric: and you'll be sad and then eat the rest and you'll die too.
Lang: that's not better.
Eric: no, then we'll reincarnate into kittens.
Lang: (dying of laughter)
Eric: we'll have a good owner who loves cats.
Lang: what kind of kitty will you be?
Eric: like Nibbler. Black with white paws. And you'll be an orange tabby. And we'll play with yarn all day and clean each other and nap together. They have nine lives.

Why what?

5/26

Eric: why?!
Lang: why what?
Eric: why am I not so cold when I'm younger?!
Lang: what?!

Sound of the Fan

5/5

Eric: Oh..gosh. Oh..gosh. (rolls over)
Lang: are you ok?
Eric: (stretches arm back and forth in the air)
Lang: oh, slept on your arm?
Eric: No, sound of the fan...affects the weather
Lang: (pulls out phone to start taking notes)
Lang: whats up with the fan?
Eric: The big wide (white?) piece of metal flapping back and forth.  YOU know? I don't know why it does that, it extends and attracts the weather. 
Lang: how does it do that?
Eric: (silence)
Lang: damnit.

Bonjour who?

Eric: Bonjour Bons Voeux!  (pause) Bons Voeux. (pause) Bons Voeux.
Lang: hm?
Eric: Bonjour Bons Voeux!
Lang: Bonjour bon vous?
Eric: MERCI, BONS VOEUX!

Note: Only later did I learn that he was sleep talking about Dupont Avec Les Bons Voeux.

It's bbq

02/26/11

Eric: Don't go to sleep yet, there's still food to be served.
Lang: What does that even mean?!
Eric: DONT. GO. TO. SLEEP. YET. THERE'S. STILL. FOOD. TO. BE. SERVED.  it's bbq. (snores)

Souper Condo

Lang: it's a souper combo, S O U P, because it's about soup. 
Eric: What's a souper condo? Do get free soup with a month's rent?

Russia Game

01-13-11

Eric: (Laughing out loud)
Lang: What are you laughing at?
Eric: (Chuckle) It's you in this game!
Lang: What game?
Eric: A Russia game.
Lang: Russia? Like the country?
Eric: Yeah!
Lang: What was I doing in the game?
Eric: I dunno (snores)

The Body Roll (His One Dance Move)

Eric: I'll grind on you so hard I'll make you pregnant.  
Lang: What?
Eric: The body roll can't be captured on camera.

Citizen (audio)

07/13/2010

Audio is available but i don't know how to attach it here. I can text or email it to you!

Eric: aren't you gonna catch me?
Eric: aren't you gonna catch me? (before I could record)
Lang: catch you do what?
(inaudible but something about him being outside and me being the "popo")
Eric: I'm not fully here this year
Lang: this year?
Eric: mmhm 
Lang: why not?
Eric: cuz. I'm not a citizen
Lang: you're not a citizen?
Eric: I was...n't
Lang: but now you are?
Eric: mm
Lang: when did you become a citizen?
Eric: last night!

Pick a Number

01/01/11

Lang: weren't they freezing in their tiny dresses and pushed up boobs?!
Eric: dude, they're all fucking hoes!
Lang: maybe
Eric: when there's so many of them, you have to pick a number
Lang: what number?
Eric: you know, like at a butcher shop. When there's a lot of people, you have to pick a number.
Lang: did u pick a number? What was your number?
Eric: hmm? (snore)